Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
