Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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