it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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