like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
