fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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