If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
