My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
