Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize