She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
