I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
