Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
