I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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