Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
