I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The air taste purple.
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