she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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