i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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