just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
