how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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