who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
