apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize