His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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