Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize