This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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