No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my sisters under your porch take her home
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
