Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
