YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
