Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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