ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize