My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
