I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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