i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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