Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
