The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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