I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
