Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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