We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize