I bet he comes in French.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
