I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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