You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
