just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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