Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
