you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
