it wasn't lemon gatorade
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
