420 ftw
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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