forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize