Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
