I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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