please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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