If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
