i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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