Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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