I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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