Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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