Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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