He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
