is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
