I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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