I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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