why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
