After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
