i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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