I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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