I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Everyone says I win the strip club
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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