Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
