just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
