Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
