Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I party with great urgency now.
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