Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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