Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
