i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
